As a complex trauma survivor who has been traveling the path of recovery for over 30 years, I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety at the age of twenty due to abuse in childhood. I deeply understand the pain of living with traumas that aren't integrated, and how codependency (toxic love,) shame, addiction and narcissistic abuse can play a huge role in keeping us small in our own story.

Raised as the family scapegoat with narcissistic caregivers, like so many of us, I never had the opportunity to develop a healthy sense of agency, or to feel like I deserved good things in life. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, and utterly lost and miserable in my heart. The traumas perpetuated by the caregivers who were abusive, taught me at a heartbreakingly young age to sacrifice myself in any way I could, all in service of survival and to contort myself to fit their dysfunction and this made me feel invisible.

My story isn't unique. So many of us are raised in homes where the caregivers aren't parenting with love, but punishing with pain; emotional, physical, sexual, neglect. When we can start to unpack the traumas, intergenerational trauma and the multi-generational transmission of shame, and start to feel heard, seen, cared for and that we matter, we can see the patterns, beliefs and conditioning that our upbringing taught us and we brought into adulthood. As we start to heal, we can empower ourselves to live life with self-compassion, boundaries and in emotional safety.

Today, I am able to value myself, advocate and work with others, and continue to heal. Resourcing my internal self, balanced with caring for my emotional health, and now I can truly say I love my life. There were a lot of years, I couldn't have imagined saying that! I had no idea the freedom that comes with the work of reconnecting to my emotions after self-abandoning for years, along with how validating the science of the brain and body are. There were many times I wanted to give up, but something inside me said, it can be better, you can feel better, so I kept going. The parts of me that wanted to live my best life were louder than the parts that wanted to give up and here I am today working to help others, who like me, had no voice for so long.

I hear you crying in the night. I see your invisibility cloak. I care, because I know what it means to grow up this way. And, you matter to me, we are all sisters and brothers in recovery. It can be different, you can heal.

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